Let’s face it, most people are beyond clueless when it comes to the social etiquettes of dealing with our hormone surging & ever growing bodies. So check it out & see if you’ve ever made one of these mistakes before:
I. Thou shalt not tell a pregnant woman that she’s huge. It’s never okay. Ever.
II. In turn, thou shalt not tell a pregnant woman that she’s tiny either. I know, it’s like you can’t effing win, right?… But the reason for never calling her tiny (or using the phrase ‘barely showing’) is because you have no idea what that woman’s been through. For example, there could be a history of a miscarriage, eating disorder, etc. I’ve heard A LOT of women complain about the anxiety felt after hearing someone tell them how tiny they look because it can bring up a lot of past things that are just hard to deal with amongst the abundant amount of hormones.
III. Thou shalt let her eat her cake. If she wants to eat Oreos for lunch every day because it’s the only thing that doesn’t make her sick (Or JUST BECAUSE dammit), unless you’re her doctor, let her eat those f*cking Oreos. She doesn’t need your nutritional advice or opinion.
IV. Thou shalt call your pregnant friend every once a while. Check in on her/ see how she’s doing/ let her know you care. Pregnancy is such an emotional roller coaster, she could really use all the love & support she can get.
V. Thou shalt not walk by and stare at a stranger’s pregnant belly for an extended period of time with a blank look on your face. It’s SO weird and SO rude. What are we aliens? Have you never seen a pregnant woman before? I mean for god’s sake, crack a smile or something.
VI. Thou shalt keep the terrible birth stories to yourself. Unless a pregnant woman is asking, they don’t want to hear about your best friend’s cousin’s horrific birthing experience. What are you trying to do, scare the baby out?? We are women and we are fucking warriors. We need to go into birth not as meeks but feeling like the badasses that we are. So how about some positive reinforcement? We need cheerleaders, not horror stories.
VII. Thou shalt offer to help a pregnant woman if it looks like she needs it. This applies to women and men, so don’t come at me with “But I thought you were a feminist?”. I’m simply asking for some basic human decency (which in all honesty LA is seriously lacking sometimes). Simple things like holding the door or moving out of the way when you see her waddling down the side walk is SO appreciated.
VIII. Thou shalt not be a judgmental prick if she decides to share with you her name choice/ ideas for the baby on the way. I personally don’t give a crap if you’re naming your bundle Michael, Hexagon, or Pinky Starfish. If she wants to add seven Y’s to her kids name, that is in no way affecting YOUR future (or present) child’s chances of getting into a prestigious college… So the disgusted looks, sarcastic tones, and “ugh I knew a ____ with that name, he was such a d*ck”… Just eff off. You certainly don’t have to like the name, but don’t let your disapproval be known unless of course, she WANTS to know your opinion. *hint* she doesn’t.
IX. Thou shalt try not to take it too personally if a pregnant woman snaps at you and/or bursts into horrible Kim Kardashian crying face. Honestly, she probably doesn’t know what the hell she’s upset about. It could be something major or it could be that the closest available McDonalds ran out of M&M’s for her XL blizzard (‘Merica!)… Either way, there are emotions going on that you can even begin to imagine… She just needs someone to pretend that they care & understand. *Bonus* if you pretend like it doesn’t bug you that she’s asked over 5 times if you have to work on Friday. Pregnancy fuzzy brain is a real thing and just as, if not much more, frustrating for her.
X. Thou shalt use your common sense. If YOU don’t like to be told that your ass is getting bigger, that your face is plumping up, that you look like you’re ready to pop, or that you look SO tired… Neither does she. Regardless of what little harm you think you’re causing by commenting on her body or state of pregnancy, there’s probably a significant other at home that’s thanking their lucky stars for every day that they don’t have to hear “Can you believe what this ____ said to me?? Do you think I look _(insert negative adjective here)_?!?” Through tear filled eyes. Know that the only safe phrase to use while commenting on a pregnant woman’s body is this; “Wow, you look great”. How easy is that? No matter how bad you’re dying to let her know that you just KNEW she was having a boy based off of the size of her growing thighs and massive ass, please for the love of god and all that is holy, refrain. Pregnant women (and their partners) all over the world will be thanking you for it.
So there they are. My 10 commandments. If you think this list is just a bit too demanding, well too bad. Pregnant women are super heroes. If it weren’t for their strength & courage, you wouldn’t be here. Know & respect that 9 months can feel like an eternity, regardless of how in love they are with their growing babies inside. All they want is a little compassion & understanding… And a few surprise snacks here and there to let them know you understand, without words. Is that too much to ask for?
Sidenote: I’m pretty sure I wrote this when I was VERY pregnant and completely fed up with all of these things being said or done to me… But looking back there are probably at least 10 – 20 more things I could add to this list. Leave a comment below with what you’d add! And share this post to help spread the word! If we don’t tell people, how will they ever know?
“I guess common sense just isn’t very common anymore.”- A wise forest man from a tv show I watched a little while back