Some Things I Want MY Non-Mom Friends To Know.

 I recently read an article titled “10 Things Non-Moms Say That Moms Would Love To Never Hear Again”

 In which a mama wrote an open letter/list telling her non-mom friends what they’re doing to make her upset.

Let me start off by staying I am absolutely not shaming this mother one bit. I applaud her honesty and voicing her thoughts about how she feels… I am however going to politely disagree with MOST of the things she’s listed. I’m going to disagree because I have other things to say to my non-mom friends that I hope make them feel open to asking me questions and not feeling as though they need to tip toe around me with their words. I don’t want there to be a massive divide between me & you. There is no us & them, it’s only US.

Unity amongst all women makes a lot more sense in my book.

Here we go… The things that some non-moms might say and MY response to that.

1. “I’m so exhausted”

 I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… You’re ABSOLUTELY allowed to say you’re exhausted if you don’t have kids. You can work your fucking ass off and be exhausted, childless. Yes you can. Is being a new mom/ mom in general tiring? Yes it is. Very very much so. Absolutely the most tired I’ve ever been, ever. New levels of tired even… But our tired isn’t better than or above anyone else’s. I know how hard people work regardless of their parent or non-parent status because I’ve worked hard my whole life. You’re tired? I feel you boo, I get it. Friends, please don’t be afraid to tell me you’re tired too.

 

2. Telling me someplace isn’t ‘kid friendly’.

 Please DO tell me if something isn’t kid friendly to save me from the MASSIVE TERRIBLE anxiety attack I’d be having feeling uncomfortable in a setting not appropriate for children. Or tell me so that I can check it out myself and have a heads up to come prepared with lots of activities & snacks to keep my little entertained. Also, I completely support kid-free weddings. It just makes so much sense. In turn though, don’t get upset if I can’t go to something important for you because a good reliable babysitter is like GOLD out here. Rare.

 
3. Asking me to just get a sitter. 

None of my friends assume I can get a sitter at the snap of my fingers in LA because they all know how sketchy childcare out here can be and how crazy I am about who I let watch my kid. No shame here. I’d rather be safe than sorry.

 
4. “I would die if I found out I was pregnant.” 

If you feel like you would die if you found out you were pregnant, that’s how you feel. Doesn’t bother me because we are two different people with two different lives. Use your birth control correctly and hopefully you’ll never end up in a situation where you’ll have to choose. But if you do, I’ll support you wholeheartedly no matter what you decide. Having a kid is not for everyone. And we should all have the right to choose when or if we become parents.

 
5. “Where have you been??” 

Anyone dumb enough to ask me where I’ve been obviously isn’t my friend because they don’t know I’ve had a kid.

 

6. “I know what you mean, my puppy did this…” 

Having a dog is NOTHING like having a baby. Absolutely nothing alike. Not even a little, no matter how much you love your dog. But I also understand that my friends that have dogs & don’t have kids are just wanting to relate, and maybe talking about the being that they really really care about, helps them do that. There’s nothing wrong with that. As long as it’s not excessive comparisons, I don’t really care.

 
7. Telling me what you’ll NEVER do once you have kids.

You can make all the rules you want about what you would never do when you have a kid… I know they’ll almost ALL fly out the window once the time has actually come. Again, this has nothing to do with me or my kid, so tell me all day long about your future awesome parenting skills. It’s cool with me. Better to have some type of plan rather than no plan.

 

8. Telling me I’m not fun anymore.

 I’m so much fucking fun, any friend that tells me otherwise obviously hasn’t seen me dance to Zootopia’s theme song by Shakira in the living room with Mia. My kid thinks I’m a fucking riot… So that qualifies me as fun in my book.

 

9. “How do you put up with this all the time?” 

How do I put up with this all the time? When I birthed my daughter, I also birthed a woman with a whole lot more patience than my former self ever even knew existed. The same will happen to you if you decide to have kids. If you don’t, don’t worry I’ll never ask you to babysit.

 

10. “I hate kids.” 

You hate kids? So did I until I became a mom. Now I melt at ALL the babies, I love them all haha (mine the most obviously). I don’t care if you hate kids, but if you hate MY kid… Then we have a problem.

There you go. Have kids. Don’t have kids. I really don’t care. Let’s all just be kind to one another, k?

 

Unity amongst ALL women ❤️

 

Mommyhood in LA

 I’m not from LA. I mean, how many people do you know that are actually from out here? This crazy city? We now call it home though, my little family of 3. And we do our best. My husband & I work really hard to build a better life for our daughter than what we had. We wake up every day and work towards nourishing the little future that shares our bed with us every night (co-sleeping for the win). We say I love you a lot. We give a ton of kisses. We give an innumerable amount of hugs throughout the day. We argue. Sometimes with each other, sometimes with the smaller version of ourselves about why she shouldn’t jump off the couch like she’s trying to crowd surf. We’re teachers and students everyday. We try. We try hard just like you try. And we get it wrong sometimes. But I’d like to think that we’re doing the important parts right. I hope we are. We all want our kids to be better than us. We want better for them.

That’s why I was so upset the other day when we were in a park full of children and none of them had any interest in playing with each other. We look at our kids as our hope in the future but in those few hours after that day, I instead felt hopeless. I obviously took it more personal than most because my daughter was the one facing rejection over and over again… But how could I not take that personally? She’s my little me, she’s a smaller version of myself with feelings the size of me. I know what rejection feels like in this city and it hurts. I never want her to feel that way, specially not at such a young age. I want to protect her from all the shit life has to offer. I want her to be able to believe in magic and sweet fuzzy things and nice people so much longer than I was able to.

That’s why it hurts to see. Too young for too much truth about this city and possibly about the world.

But luckily children are resilient. Seriously, they’re little powerhouses of well, power. They are the wisest and strongest beings on the planet and they simply do not get enough credit for that. That’s why I’m sitting here, typing this up over a situation that happened days ago and my daughter is in the bedroom sleeping late on a Friday… Because she doesn’t give a shit about what happened the other day. It happened and now she’s forgotten about it and moved on with her badass little life. We’re teachers and students, but today I’m definitely the latter.

xo mamas


 Today I watched you run around like the ball of love & energy that you are. I saw you approach child after child in the cutest way at the fountain and simply want to wave hello… I hadn’t prepared myself for all of the dirty looks and all of the glares, not only from kids but from their parents too. I simply was not prepared for that at all. I don’t know if you’ll ever remember this and I hope that you don’t, but it’s something your father and I will never forget.

I was under the impression that kids played together, and that they made friends out of fellow little strangers. Today, my heart hurts. My heart hurts to think about the confusion that I could see on your face. My heart hurts even though you seemed fine all the same. My heart hurts because this is city life and I just don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it or be okay with it. Baby girl, I’ll always be here to play with you. I love you so damn much kid. Today my heart hurts.